definingfuture | IC inbox for duplicity

[ Trying indeed, though how successfully remains to be seen. Maybe if he had the benefit of guidance during those formative months after waking up, maybe if the world hadn't gone immediately to shit. From freezer to loneliness to a civil war among the Avengers, he's been displaced and uprooted since he fell and hasn't found structure since.

He'd been better off alone, he thinks, sometimes. Less of a danger to anyone else, less of a burden, freer, safer in the hostels and the ramshackled apartments in Europe.

But he has Steve now, and that's worth more than freedom. Ironic, given what country he represents. ]

How do you know me? Where you're from, how is it different?

[ How could things have gone, in another life? ]

[ It's not the question Bucky is really asking him, but Tony smiles anyway. What Bucky asks is how Tony knows him and he doesn't. He doesn't know the man across from him at all, but at the mention of it, he still lights up with warmth he's been holding back. ]

Bucky is a friend. We occasionally work together. His missions are generally off-limits to someone like me... I have a certain image to keep, but I trust him.

Sometimes he even lets me improve his suit.

As for your file, that is in classified SHIELD knowledge. I know about it because I have clearance to know. And because he came back.

[ How it's different is a whole other trunk to unpack. ]

He cut his hair for one thing.

[ I have a certain image to keep, he says, and Bucky can relate to the sentiment. Back in the war when Steve was building a public profile, it didn't exactly due for Captain America to get his hands dirty in ways Barnes was happy to do. Some things, it seems, are consistent across universes. He does the dark jobs, the questionable ones, so that others don't have to.

At he cut his hair, though, Bucky pulls a face immediately. Disgruntled and incredulous, he cards his own hair back out of his face like he's making sure it's still there. ]

No thanks.

[ Is the flat, rather dry sounding answer he'll give to the very notion.

Circling back around: ]

Suit? Like-

[ A pointed glance at the suit in Tony's living room. ]

[ It's the way Bucky reacts to the thought of having his hair cut short that gets to Tony. He watches the man pull a face and dismiss that thought like it's a bad taste in his mouth and smiles, letting out a soft laugh at this man that doesn't quite look like Bucky but still has a familiar metal arm and knowledge that Tony knows no one else would have, including himself. ]

Like a suit. Not armor. We're not quite that close yet. But I do handle his personal upgrades as well.

[ Bucky can take that however he wants to. Tony is having a little fun, even if it's just to take his own mind off of the stress. ]

But you... What's your relationship with him like? You're not here to kill me, are you?

[ Personal upgrades, suits, he's picturing the thing Steve wore the last time Bucky saw him in the field. The airport, maybe, before he went under the ice. Something like that, something that indicates he's part of a team, or that he's at least on the other side of the situation this Bucky's been in himself.

Well, good for him. Good to know somewhere out there he's fighting instead of running.

But those couple of peaceful years without fighting had been nice.

Maybe not so good for him.

The question brings his brows together, startlement, incredulous disbelief. Be a hell of a thing to come and drink coffee with the guy, talk about their pasts, then shoot him on his own damn couch. ]

No, I just- no.

[ A shake of his head, hair catching on his shoulders, face dipping toward the ground. ]

Thought I had a second chance to do things better. Figured it was the right thing to do.

[ After the way it went down with his Tony. After everything that just happened with Stefano. Although the longer he sits here, the more apparent it is that these two Starks are very different, and his apologies and explanations mean nothing to anyone but himself. The more he knows that, the less they relieve the knot he feels in his gut when he thinks of Howard's son.

Maybe he's not here for any good reason at all, then. ]

[ Tony gives Bucky a warm smile when he denies the suggestion. It's fond, even if he can't say he's familiar with the man, because the way he looks down and says he wanted a second chance means everything. ]

Well, I'm glad to hear it. It would be a pretty bad first meeting if one of us died right away.

[ He laughs, a little tired, maybe, but with a comfort that comes with the acceptance of his place. He's always going to be threatened by someone because of who he is, and Tony just as easily dismisses the idea as he brought it up. What's more important is where that hesitation came from. It's the same awkward, uncomfortable sound he makes when he wants to say something and can't. One thing Tony knows well: guilt. ]

You know what I think?

[ Tony reaches over to put a hand on Bucky's arm. ]

You already have the chance to start over. You're doing it right now. Maybe we can't go back and change what we've done and the regrets are always going to be there, but we learn from them. If I know Tony Stark, he feels the same way. Iron Man was my way of starting over. I think he'd appreciate knowing that you were trying to do the same thing.

It's all right. Trust me.

[ He looks up at the touch, brow wrinkling, eyes going a little soft. He can handle words all day, can distance himself from them, but when it comes to fingers curling around his shoulder, locking on his wrist, touching?

It obliterates his defenses easier than he likes to admit.

Maybe this Tony is right. He'd like to believe that, he would, and he swallows down a surge of something that threatens to fill his throat. Dryly murmurs instead: ]

That or he'd throw a cheeseburger in my face and blow my arm off.

[ Feels like a toss-up, but he only knows what he's heard. ]

You're James Barnes.

[ He knows what thoughts can fill up the mind when things get bad. He's been there, done those awful things whether he remembered them or not, whether he really wanted to or not, and he would just as soon banish that doubt away from those around him than have them suffer. ]

You aren't what anyone else tried to make you. You still have your life. As long as you're still breathing, then you can change it. There's a future ahead.

[ And as optimistic and ignorant as that sounds, Tony's smile is steady, fixed on Bucky. ]

He'll understand. I believe he'll eventually come around, because he'll know what it can be like. Doing things... you don't want to do. I can't say he won't be angry, but I believe in him. And I believe in you.

And Steve. [ Tony squeezes Bucky's arm lightly. ] It sounds like you both need a little of that.

[ You're James Barnes, and it takes deliberate willpower to bite his tongue rather than speak up on instinct to insist, it's Bucky. Wouldn't wanna cut off some words of wisdom spoken from the heart, though, so he satisfies himself with a twitching jaw and dipping eyes, that duck down to the mug on Tony's coffee table.

They flicker back up at the squeeze of his arm, brows knit softly together, an expression on his face some mix of appreciative and restrained.

It's a good sentiment.
He hopes it's all true. Hopes this Stark is right about the way of things, though this man seems about a hundred times more kind than the man he met.

Circumstances being what they were... maybe a little benefit of the doubt ought to come with it.

He forces out a tight smile, as best he can. ]

Thanks. I- um... [ He passes his palms (palm, really) over his pants, breathes out slow. ] I'm not so good at touching moments. But. Thanks.

[ Which might just be preempting his cue to leave, because the mug's gone cold and his chest's gone tight, and he accomplished more or less what he set out to by coming here.

It's a start, anyway. ]

[ The tension remains, which Tony can tell isn't going to stop any time soon, but Bucky just needs some time. He'll let him sleep on it, give him some space, and eventually it'll work out. If his calculations are right, this conversation has actually gone well. ]

I make your nervous.

[ He can't hide his amusement. ]

That's all right. You'll get used to it. I'm glad you came by, you know? I was starting to wonder if you guys ever made friends with each other.

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