definingfuture | IC inbox for duplicity

[He can't take it. The device switching to audio automatically.]

What the hell do you want from me?

[ There's a pause before Steve's audio clicks on. ]

I want you not to feel guilty for something you didn't do.

[He wants to found threatening, but he's trembling and mostly coming off at the edge of hysterical.]

You know no one believes that, right? You don't believe that.

I wouldn't say it if I didn't believe it.

[ He goes quiet again for a moment, just breathing. ]

I'll stop if you want me to. I don't want to hurt you, I really don't. I just...never got a chance to try to convince you before.

[He's having some genuine problems with reality now, because he doesn't understand the conversation. How can he be talking to Steve Rogers about his own death? And what's more, Steve is impossibly calm about the whole thing. It can't be real. It's got all the hallmarks of a delusion he's creating for himself, hearing things he wants to hear. But why would that start now?]

If you know so much about my reasons, then tell me why I did it. I told him. All of it. When we were alone.

I. I'm sorry Tony, but I don't know what you're talking about.

[ He'd remember if Tony explained everything, wouldn't he? But but the time he'd seen Tony again, he'd already wiped his memory. ]

[It's an unreasonable expectation, but it helps Tony confirm that he's not just going insane talking to himself. Steve can't tell him about that pathetic night of excuses he'd given over his body, trying to convince himself it wasn't his fault then. He'd told Steve's lifeless body that it was for the best; that he had meant to save people.]

You were gone. I just... I didn't know who else to talk to. You can't tell me you weren't dead now. I saw it. It was really you.

If I could explain it better, I would, believe me. But I wasn't dead. I was...unstuck in time, I guess.

[ There's an edge to his voice, like he knows exactly how ridiculous it sounds. ]

[It sounds ridiculous, but the kind of ridiculous just on the side of possible that makes Tony shake on his end of the devices. This might really be happening. This Steve might really be Steve from the world he knows, who for some unknown reason has decided to forgive him. It sounds impossible, but he's desperate.]

You- you sent me something... When you were gone.

What, the shield? Who else was I gonna trust to take care of it?

No, not that.

Wha-- oh, that letter?

Do you remember what was in it?

I asked you to look after Bucky and that the mantle of Captain America had to continue. Didn't expect that you'd combine them, but you were always smarter than me. It worked out.

[Okay, it's really happening and Tony can't process any more. He finds the floor, which probably sounds awkward and loud through the audio as Tony nearly drops the phone, cursing under his breath as he realizes what is happening.]

God. Steve? You- How did you get back?

That. [ He makes a sound that might be a laugh. ] Is a very long story. The short version is that the Red Skull took over my body and me and Buck managed to get him out.

Tony, hey. Are you okay? Do you want me to come over?

No.

No, I'm fine. Thanks, Steve. I just... That's a lot to take in.

I know. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just drop it all on you like that. I just don't like thinking you're still carrying that when you don't have to.

[He knows Steve means well. It's Steve. He's a good person that wouldn't blame Tony no matter how much he deserved it, because Steve can be biased when it comes to his friends and Tony can be a bastard when it really comes down to it. But he can't accept this. It's just not right. Even if Steve does come back and right everything eventually, it doesn't change the collateral that happened. It doesn't fix it.]

That's... nice of you to say. I-

[He was so happy when he heard Steve say that he thought he was a good man before. It had carried him through a lot, but in the wake of losing Sal and killing yet another friend, he doesn't know if he can believe that.]

I'll try to remember that.

[ There's a quiet sigh. He should have known better than to think it would be that easy. ]

Please do. And--

If you need to talk, I'm always here for you. Okay?

[ He has to mute the phone for a moment. He doesn't want Steve to hear him cry. Tony swallows it down, but he can't shake the knowledge that Steve wasn't there. Not for him or anyone else. And Steve might not blame him, but Tony feels it anyway. He comes back, calmer at least, but unsure of how to accept this sudden forgiveness. ]

Okay. Thanks, Steve.

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